I am the nudged
Hey. How ya' doin? How does this thing work again?

One of you "nudged" me several weeks ago. Thank you for that. Really. Somehow, I fell out of the habit of LJ. This was part of a larger pattern of withdrawal and isolation from everyone but my boyfriend. Why that happened, I don't know (yes, I'm as insightful as ever) -- 'cause, on the whole, I've been happy!

Then, layers of guilt accumulated around the very thought of LJ, and I just couldn't seem to approach it. Tonight, it seemed easy. Another mystery.

I've been catching up on your last few entries. I realize now -- I missed you guys!!! I'll try to make this a daily thing again, and when I feel up to speed, I'll start commenting.

So, with no attempt at style, in order not to procrastinate, here's what's been happening with me.

1. Adam -- I feel embarrassed, non-feminist, to begin this list with my boyfriend, but there's no denying that my relationship with Adam has marked the biggest change for me in the last year. I feel blessed to have him in my life. He's a kind, generous, great-hearted, silly, geeky, affectionate, attentive, and very sexy man. I've never been in love with a man and felt so...what's the opposite of "at sea"?...oh, yeah. Grounded. In my past relationships, my lovers have needed "space". I attempted to give it, but in that "space", my fears and insecurities bred. Adam does not need space. We talk every night, and most of the time, he calls me first. We often talk twice a night, sometimes three times. We have running conversations that are broken for our respective dinners, for a movie, for something on TV, or something on the computer. We always talk around 11 pm to say goodnight. We spend our Saturday nights together, and our Sunday mornings and afternoons.

I remember, at the beginning, how shy and awkward we both were. Now, we're deliciously comfortable with each other. He sings silly songs to his cats in front of me. Oh, yeah, he has two cats now -- a brother and sister, grey and white, now 7 months old. They were two skittering puff balls when he brought them home in April. It's been a joy to watch them grow...I remember this past Sunday with familiar pleasure. After breakfast, Adam returned to his favorite new computer game (a flight simulator), and I stretched out on his bed with my novel. Mogwai, the girl cat, soon joined me, curling up in her usual spot on my belly. Adam later left his computer and stretched out next to me. Then, Gizmo, the boy cat, jumped up on the bed to nuzzle Adam. "All mammals on the bed!", said Adam (yes, i must tell you, friends -- the fish were denied admittance). :) Then, all the mammals took a nap.

So, things are good with Adam. They're very good. There are challenges, I have misgivings fairly often. We've fought...I don't know if I would marry him, I don't know if I could even live with him, but those things have never been priorities for me. Whatever we have at the moment...it makes me very happy.

OK, there's so much more to tell, but I see that I'll have to do this in installments. Item number two will follow soon...